Keeping it Simple: Guest Host Requests

With Mark Davis

With Mark Davis, frequent host of “The Mark Davis Show”

I don’t like to use the word “demand” very often. It just seems so … demanding, and if you know me, you know that it’s completely out of step with my nature. I’m as go with the flow as it gets, which is why I can’t understand management’s recent refusal to even acknowledge the list of requests I submitted pertaining to the week I fill in for Mark Davis.

Everyone knows I’m a professional entertainer, so I assumed they’d be pleased that I’m a woman who knows what she wants, and more important, what she needs to execute a flawless performance. Walking down the hall today I thought I heard someone utter “diva” under their breath.


What on earth is unreasonable about this?

Studio temperature shall be no lower than 73.2 degrees and shall not exceed 74.6 degrees.

Keurig one-cup coffee maker in the talk studio with Donut Shop or Newman’s Own pods provided — bold roast preferred, medium roast acceptable (but will potentially hinder performance). Water reservoir should remain full at all times. Bottle of low-fat sweet cream (on ice) placed within three feet of sound board.

Scentsy (or comparable) flameless candle provided with ample supply of wax pods. No fruity, vanilla, or soapy scents. Prefer autumn or winter-themed fragrances such as spice, pumpkin, pine, etc.

Fresh tulips daily within view of host chair. This calms me. (No eucalyptus filler. It gives me a headache.)

In-studio massage therapist daily from 8:28-8:33amCT. Please note that special attention should be paid to head and hands. (I really shouldn’t have to say this, but it seems like I always do.)

Signage indicating “The Susan Cloud Show” to be placed in three separate locations in talk studio, all visible from host chair, and at least 2ft X 2ft in size … but not so large as to give the impression of pretension. (I completely trust your judgement on this.)

16″X20″ portrait of Bill Kristol within view of host chair. (Three hours of solo talk per day require inspiration. Just trust me on this.)

Mirror placed on wall directly in front of host chair. I prefer to look at myself when I’m talking. It puts me at ease and quiets my spirit.

Assorted hard candies in easy-to-reach dish. Mint, wintergreen, or butterscotch preferred … please, no fruit flavors. (No, I don’t need M&M’s sorted by color. Can you believe how ridiculous some people can be?)

Technical producer Shane Bell’s attire should reflect seriousness and professionalism. Collared shirts only, please, and slacks … no jeans.

Reserved parking spot within 20 feet of south door with corresponding signage, (or just send a car, whatever works best … seriously, I’m easy.)

Please do not allow other employees to refer to Helen Chapa (who will be assisting with call screening) as the producer. She should be referred to only as the “call screener.” I am still the producer of this show, and hearing someone else referred to as such could potentially shatter my calm.

So, there it is. I honestly don’t understand what all the fuss is about, but regardless, I do hope that you’ll tune in December 26-28th.

It’s gonna be a party.


Regarding Costas…

Conservatives who say we don’t have a gun problem are missing an opportunity to lead. Costas

Recent anti-gun remarks from Bob Costas have conservatives up in arms about their arms, and rightfully so. I don’t appreciate a sportscaster — even a thoughtful, well loved one such as Costas – to interrupt my happy football time with a politically toned rant. I like to think I’d be similarly irked had Costas’ rant have reflected the opposite position.

Folks love their guns. I understand that. I love my guns, too. And while I’ve expressed concerns about the availability of certain high-powered firearms, I do consider myself to be solid on the Second Amendment.

But, to quote Eddie Izzard (yes, I’m serious), “Guns don’t kill people, people do … but, I think the gun helps.”

Recent US Census data shows us how guns have “helped” in roughly 2/3rds of homicides, with stabbing in a distant second place at 13%. This is something that rational, life-loving people cannot ignore and must address.

At the expense of liberty? Certainly not. But when our Founders cited our unalienable rights in the Declaration of Independence, life preceded liberty.

Likewise, our priorities should fall in step with this thoughtful order.

Taking on issues in government typically translates to more legislation or regulation, and big government solutions seldom address the root of the problem at hand or result in true progress (which is why I’ve always found the label “progressive” to be disingenuous). But leaders can lead without legislating, and unfortunately, just as liberals are prone to take the easy route by passing more and more ineffective law, conservatives often lazily mention the Constitution and then sweep aside the tough issues.

In a broken world full of fallible people, pointing to the Constitution is no more effective than the parent who consistently tells their child, “Because I said so.” You may temporarily alter behavior, but you haven’t addressed its root cause … so don’t be surprised when it resurfaces.

Do I have the answers to our country’s gun problem? Of course, not. But we do, indeed, have a problem. And true progress on matters such as these requires great effort — and yes, funding. Just as exercise and nutritional education has proven to be instrumental in warding off obesity and countless other related health problems, more support for strategic efforts to deter gun violence — such as Project Safe Neighborhoods  — as well as coordinated local efforts, is key.

As we prepare to slash budgets — an activity for which I salivate in anticipation — I pray we resist urges to refer to such programs as “wasteful spending.”

And let’s also think beyond what we can do collectively, and consider individual opportunities to affect lives. Mentoring programs, inner-city ministry, keeping a close eye on our friends and neighbors in times of emotional or mental distress – they’re all good places to start.

These may be thankless efforts, void of the accolades and pageantry that surround the signing of a gargantuan crime bill, and the fruits of which will not be immediately recognized, but if we as conservatives are to follow the direction of our Founders – and of our God — it’s paramount.

Thanks for reading.